Eating disorder or self harm?

I eat until I feel sick, not because I like food but because I don't feel like I can control my body.



Every day I wish I could be anorexic



People just don't get it. I am a gym junkie and no one would ever call me fat or even a little bit big, up until a few months ago I would have been confident in saying people would call me small. But my body is changing and I hate it. Instead of realising the few kilos I first put on were muscle I freaked out. I don't know how it happened but I developed a fucked relationship with food and now I am a self fulfilling fat prophecy. I hate myself.



I sit here crying at my computer feeling, knowing there is no one I can talk to. I feel like I am in some kind of nightmare and I know only I can wake myself up but for the life of me I don’t know how